Шутки про гарвард

harvard
In MIT, you learn more and more about less and less, until you know everything about nothing.

In Harvard, you learn less and less about more and more, until you know nothing about everything.

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«This is a British democracy, Bernard…[It] recognises that you need a system to protect the important things…like…the universities — both of them.»

— Sir Humphrey Appleby, Yes Prime Minister

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Ivy League Light Bulb Jokes

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They don’t have electricity up there.

How many Yale students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

How many Penn students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he gets 6 credits for it.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the light bulb, and three to guard him.

Cornell?

How many Brown students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy-seven. One to change the light bulb, 38 to protest that light bulb has a right not to be changed, and 38 to counter-protest.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and the whole world revolves around him.

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[W]hatever people may say against Cambridge, it is certainly the best preparatory school for Oxford that I know.

— Oscar Wilde

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One day, there was a sale at the local grocery, at Cambridge, MA. 3 cans for $5! A student picked up 4 cans and the exasperated grocer said, «Either you are from Harvard that you can’t count, or from MIT that you can’t read!»